Susan opens the about me section of her blog Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva with the words “I used to be a successful young professional in the corporate sector who had friends and a social life. One night, I went to bed a fit and fabulous 25 year old bride, and I woke up one day a frizzy and frazzled 33 year old stay at home mother of three.” I appreciate these words because they reveal so much. First, she is publicly revealing her experiences as a mother, which as we’ve talked about is of great cultural value. Second, she is describing the effects of sacrifices that mothers find themselves making, both unnaturally due to society’s expectations and also naturally due to the demands of child-care. Finally, she describes through the use of humor the sometimes jarring realization that as a mother she has left her old self behind and discovered a new self in its place, for better or worse. She admits that this new self is beyond perfect or even at times enjoyable. This is the kind of honesty that the realm of motherhood has historically lacked. Moving beyond the basic and harmful premise that it is a woman’s duty to procreate, I want to discuss how perfectionism and the perpetually sacrificing mother are very unhealthy concepts, and how the presence of Susan’s “mommy blog” is an example of a way to break free of them.
Society sells the perfect mother facade pretty easily. Patriarchy may have perpetuated the concept as a means of control, but women buy into it for a myriad of reasons, one of which is because society teaches them it increases their worth. Inherent in the idea of the perfect mother are the concepts of the safety and security of mankind, the competitive value of one woman over another, the roles of a dutiful wife, and the blame or chastisement mothers face when one experiences an unruly child.
There are so many historical reasons women face the responsibility for these claims, but for African American mothers the effects of such assertions are much more debilitating . Writer Riche Jeneen Daniel Barnes proclaims in her article Black Women Have Always Worked that “[what] researchers are beginning to understand is that the ‘strong black woman’ myth can also be detrimental to African American women and their families because it expects them to single-handedly take on all of the ills that plague their communities” (196). Black mothers not only face the harmful image of the perfect mother but also the responsibility to uplift their race in the face of social inequality and the system of racism in America.
While Susan doesn’t headline issues of race in her blog, her articles It’s okay to be okay, and I give up everyday and I think you should too, humorously and intelligently defy our nation’s pressures to be a perfect mother. At the same time she is a peer activist for a much healthier and more satisfying alternative: the imperfect but loving mother who is doing her best.
Susan’s self-acceptance and ease of publishing brash emotion and opinion is in stark contrast to forty years ago, when Adrienne Rich’s Of Woman Born was published. Rich described the extremely conflicting emotions she experienced as a mother and writer at a time when the public still assumed mothers were never ill at ease with their given role. Rich’s acknowledgment of her weariness as “Their [her young children’s] voices wear away at my nerves, their constant needs...fill me with despair at my own failures, despair too at my fate, which is to serve a function for which I was not fitted” would perhaps have been remediated by the presence of blogs like Susan’s (Rich 21). Indeed, had society at the time given Rich a choice it is possible she would have remained childless given her feelings about how she was ill-suited for the job. While modern American women have permission to choose, many of the same stereotypes that lead to suffering are still placed upon them. Susan's blog is an example of a more accepting and healthy attitude, and there are more blogs just like it.
On a lighter note in the way of restrictions, I’d like to close with a fashion reference to Susan’s latest post 100% Poncho Ready: "This summer I may not have been 'bikini ready', but I'm happy to report that this Fall my body is totally Poncho ready!" Also, please enjoy these photos from the previously mentioned articles It's okay... and I give up... respectively.
Society sells the perfect mother facade pretty easily. Patriarchy may have perpetuated the concept as a means of control, but women buy into it for a myriad of reasons, one of which is because society teaches them it increases their worth. Inherent in the idea of the perfect mother are the concepts of the safety and security of mankind, the competitive value of one woman over another, the roles of a dutiful wife, and the blame or chastisement mothers face when one experiences an unruly child.
There are so many historical reasons women face the responsibility for these claims, but for African American mothers the effects of such assertions are much more debilitating . Writer Riche Jeneen Daniel Barnes proclaims in her article Black Women Have Always Worked that “[what] researchers are beginning to understand is that the ‘strong black woman’ myth can also be detrimental to African American women and their families because it expects them to single-handedly take on all of the ills that plague their communities” (196). Black mothers not only face the harmful image of the perfect mother but also the responsibility to uplift their race in the face of social inequality and the system of racism in America.
While Susan doesn’t headline issues of race in her blog, her articles It’s okay to be okay, and I give up everyday and I think you should too, humorously and intelligently defy our nation’s pressures to be a perfect mother. At the same time she is a peer activist for a much healthier and more satisfying alternative: the imperfect but loving mother who is doing her best.
Susan’s self-acceptance and ease of publishing brash emotion and opinion is in stark contrast to forty years ago, when Adrienne Rich’s Of Woman Born was published. Rich described the extremely conflicting emotions she experienced as a mother and writer at a time when the public still assumed mothers were never ill at ease with their given role. Rich’s acknowledgment of her weariness as “Their [her young children’s] voices wear away at my nerves, their constant needs...fill me with despair at my own failures, despair too at my fate, which is to serve a function for which I was not fitted” would perhaps have been remediated by the presence of blogs like Susan’s (Rich 21). Indeed, had society at the time given Rich a choice it is possible she would have remained childless given her feelings about how she was ill-suited for the job. While modern American women have permission to choose, many of the same stereotypes that lead to suffering are still placed upon them. Susan's blog is an example of a more accepting and healthy attitude, and there are more blogs just like it.
On a lighter note in the way of restrictions, I’d like to close with a fashion reference to Susan’s latest post 100% Poncho Ready: "This summer I may not have been 'bikini ready', but I'm happy to report that this Fall my body is totally Poncho ready!" Also, please enjoy these photos from the previously mentioned articles It's okay... and I give up... respectively.
