Lesbians as Othermothers

     The need for individuals to band together and support one another in the face of adversity is an ancient one. Sometimes adversity comes across as the confounding life experiences of being a parent, and other times it is larger and even more debilitating, like facing discrimination based on sexual orientation. I found a great example of the profound spirit of resilience in the blog Mombian, an LGBT community that builds on experiences of minorities and serves to support its members. In addition to the strength that individuals gain from this type of community, I believe that lesbians specifically cultivate the act of othermothering, a phrase used by Patricia Hill Collins in her writing Black Feminist Thought. 
     Collins describes othermothering as “women who assist bloodmothers by sharing mothering responsibilities”, and identifies African American culture as the most often example of these co-operative relationships (Black Women and Motherhood 193). The strength of “fictive kin” has been “central to the institution of Black motherhood” as it allowed for children to experience a strong united culture despite the oppressive environments their familes lived in (Stack qtd by Collins 193, Troester qtd by Collins 192). 
     Just like Black mothers lesbian mothers face many forms of oppression, and they too are in the position to nurture and care for one another in a unique way. They sense a recognition in the women they support that they share the same discriminations, the same pain, and the same needs. Lesbian partners can understand what it means to be female, to love other females, and to face the judgments of others. This kind of looking out for one another exists on Mombian, which seeks to be a balm for those in need of comfort, solidarity, and progressive change.  In response to a fellow blog site being shut down, Dana Rudolph, the founder of Mombian, wrote her post Goodbye and Thank You… in which she expressed: "[the site] entertained us, gave us hope, made us think, and helped us feel not so very alone.” Blogs like Mombian provide a much needed community for those who don’t find their narrative represented in mainstream media. Put another way, Mombian is a way for individuals to participate in othermothering, whether it be in the form of person to person, cause for cause, or a symbol of several minority groups forming one community. 
     Writer Cherrie Moraga found othermothering to be an extremely life changing moment for her in that it helped her define her very identity as a woman. Moraga describes this sense of awakening in the words: “I had nursed dozens of hungry women throughout my life as I had my own mother, from the time I could remember, and in that resided my lesbian conviction, my lesbian loving” (Waiting in the Wings 22). She writes of an important lesson for those who feel overwhelmed in life to remember: “There in the realm of my doubt, the world becomes unbearably small, as small as my pitiful ego. But when I imagine I can speak with the voice of others- that others can speak through me- how wide and hopeful the project of writing becomes again” (47). She is speaking of the power of community, the power of looking out for the well-being of one another, and also the power drawn from the strength of othermothering. 
     In an interesting twist on the cooperative aspect that is the heart of othermothering, lesbians also face greater challenges due to the investments they make. Rudolph wrote a post on October 4th about the legal circumstances between unmarried partners Karen Partenan and Julie Gallagher, who had raised two children together but never married. Julie and Karen are now separated. Julie had carried both children, thus Partenan had no biological ties to them yet she wanted equal parenting rights. In a progressive recognition of the power of othermothering the article states: “The court today ruled resoundingly in Partanen’s favor, writing, ‘We consider the question whether a person may establish herself as a child’s presumptive parent … in the absence of a biological relationship with the child. We conclude that she may’” (Unmarried NonBio Mom...). It seems that modern science combined with an increase in civilian rights has led to the understanding that for the child, a primary nurturer from birth feels like an authentic parent despite genetic proof. 
     This authentic kinship reminds me of how at times friends can bond to one another and nurture each other in ways that reflect the “fictive kin” phrasing. By choosing individuals to be surrounded by who provide support and understanding, one is essentially participating in the vein of othermothering.  Human beings thrive on unconditional love.
     In the Mombian community Rudolph demonstrates ways that individuals can othermother, or take responsibility for the well-being of others by providing posts like How to Respond When Meeting Lesbian Moms, and Children of LGBT parents: Readings and Resources. Such resources assist others by educating them about what they may not be familiar with, or in areas where extra support is needed because mainstream society does not offer it. This is a necessary teaching, a type of cultural oikonomia that betters our culture by including minority narratives. A lot of problems arise within human relationships when people are on unfamiliar ground. 
     I feel that othermothering, or looking out for others within our community is a basic grassroots effort that is an instinctive method of progress. It is least progressive when it suffers from exclusivity, and most progressive when it crosses cultural borders. I am happy to see blogs out there demonstrating this positive effect.

The Working Mommy Blog as Oikonomia

  In our BLS385 course we have been discussing the disenfranchising of American mothers, including acknowledging the more severe acts of oppression against ethnic or sexual orientation minority groups.  
     Considering the phrase “mommy wars”, which is largely referring to the highly debated decision of mothers to attain a career or stay at home, the class has mostly covered the currently radical concept of acknowledging the value of unpaid work mothers do at home.   Anne Crittendon’s assertion is that this unpaid work is one of the highest possibly esteemed values for building a civilization; she calls this value by the Greek term oikonomia.  I agree with Crittendon; by using sound logical principles one can easily see how much the nation depends on the work mothers do at home, especially when it comes to raising children.  But interestingly a concept that might fall into both categories of the mommy wars can be explored within this one realm: the realm of the working woman’s mommy blog.
I see this realm as showcasing the ability for women in positions of employment to define what they see and to shape public opinion regarding their roles as working mothers.  What they see is that they are mistreated on the basis of being mothers in addition to being women.  Do women acknowledge this?  They do in their blogs.  What do women feel about this?  They are unafraid to publish their disapproval (in an anti-inflammatory manner) if one explores the top blogs revealed in a basic web search.    What do they intend to do about this?  I believe that studying these blogs over time will reveal a trend of increasing public awareness of this plight and subsequently more progressive social equality.  Blogs are the literary tool by which women are speaking more loudly and with frequency, and ultimately are taking further part in shaping social values.  
     I believe the blogs they create while writing at home in their free time constitute as oikonomia, which is defined as “the building and preservation of long-term communal value” (Crittendon 68).  The communal value of an outlet for women who not only work and mother but who publicly question the values society has taught them, and who have the education and confidence to be leaders is exponential.  Is it for the good of American society to seek equality for and to be inclusive of the mother narrative that has historically done the lion’s share in rearing its future citizens?  While economists and sociologists continue to disagree about what part of women’s work is economically and socially valuable, Crittendon has solidly answered yes to that question.  In terms of working women’s blogs, since blogs tend to attract the same kind of reader who relates most to the content, I suggest that these women are building online communities that are essentially powerful grassroots organizations.
     Take for instance blog Working Mother by Sharon Chae-Haver.  In her profile she states she is “interested in exploring and bridging the gap between our notion of the ‘Ideal Worker’ and the ‘Ideal Mother,’ and advocating for positive changes—in both policy and culture—at our workplace so that our work works for us.” Sharon’s post Women: Worriers in Chief at work and at home? informs readers about the disparities of women’s work, specifically when one considers the terms “kin-keeping”, which are tasks designed to create a sense of comfort and connection with one’s family, and “worrier-work”, which are the secretarial tasks women often self-designate but which also causes excess stress and depletion of one’s free time.  
     Her article is insightful and respectfully written, and her blog hits across many of the themes our class has discussed, such as: how ethnic diversity affects mothers, how social values affect mothers, the economic position of mommy blogs (her blog employs ads), and the political concept of a literary voice for women.  She cites the works she mentions while making her points, lending credibility to her post beyond that of a working mother’s casual journal entries.  She takes these issues seriously and encourages the reader to do the same.  I find her voice to be one of essential feminism in today’s America.